Losing Taurus Once More

  • I never expected to find my childhood friend again. I never expected that my life would turn upside down. I never expected I would find that, all of the lies I've been told, were weaved only into another web, and another, and - another.I never expected it to hurt this much.Finding someone you've lost is really recollecting all of those memories that you laid in bed wishing you could forget and move on.Only, it doesn't work that way.No, you have to grovel in the pain you're fed, you have to slump around all day and pretend you've never heard that name before, you have to pretend whenever you hear their name - it doesn't hurt.You have to pretend.I didn't like anything about it really, would anyone? I stopped eating, it's not like I had an urge to anyway, and I stopped writing and acting - two things I did with him.But, once you get over all of it - as a weight is coming off of your shoulder. For, you've finally moved on.I remember the day clearly as well, the day I stopped loving Jaden Patrick Williams, it was wonderful.I heard his name, but I no longer felt the burning sensation in my chest, I no longer to force my lips to create a smile. No.I felt nothing in my stomach, as if I hadn't known him. I didn't have to force the smile, instead I replied with - "I hope he's doing well, wherever he is."I felt free. Free from all the worry and such.But, of course, it all came crashing down. Three cheers for Murphy's law.[1] Thanks, man.I saw him, Jaden Williams, in the park. It was the weirdest place to see him. But, I saw him. I swear to it.I saw the boy, well - man now, that I had fallen in love with, the man that had edited my stories until they got published in a newspaper, the one who ran over lines with me, it was him.But, it was also the same man who held my heart, without knowing - of course, and waved it in front of me, shaking it around on a thin hair. He was also the man who dropped it repeatedly, causing small cracks here and there - but they usually would heal.But, this man, was also the first to drop her heart from the Grand Canyon, and then jump down to stomp on it, sending pain her way the whole time.I saw him, I saw every part of him. But, I also saw his flavor for the week. A little peppy redhead that was a bit taller than me, she had a perky butt, as well as nice breasts - I couldn't deny. But, she was also white.Was that was Jaden wanted, a white girl with red hair?I had forced myself to stop thinking, for christs sake - I was a grown women. I wasn't some high school student anymore who had self image problems.No, I was Thealia O'Connor who didn't need Jaden Williams. I didn't have feelings for him anymore. I was strong and independent.Along with my boyfriend.Which I guess was another reason I had to stop my thinking. I had a lovely boyfriend who would die for me, as I would do the same. We met in college, a place I didn't even know if Jaden went to. He didn't call, or text, or even sent her a fax. Nothing..Kaden Franks was the best boyfriend ever and I wasn't going to stop that relationship simply because I had caught a glimpse of my childhood friend.But, I couldn't help but wonder what my life would have been like if I had ended up being with Jaden.Would we be the ones walking in the park? Would I be the one who got to wake up to him every morning.My thoughts weren't loyal, and I really needed to get myself in check.I didn't love him, I didn't like him, I hated him for making me feel all of this pain.'I hated him, I hated him,' It was like a mantra in my head, looping over and over again - I was convincing myself.I was an adult, I didn't have feelings like this, I wasn't a small school girl. I didn't giggle behind his back when he wasn't looking. Nope, I didn't giggle to begin with.I was a twenty one year old women, I was able to handle myself. So why not make myself known?I remember it, I walked up to him - though I wasn't demanding attention, nor was I even commanding it. I walked to him with a smile on my face.I don't remember the conversation, for it was a while ago, but I do remember his face looking up and taking account of my new attitude and look. I remember the way he smiled up to me as If nothing had happened.I remember that I looked calm on the outside, but on the inside I was screaming. I remember his girl with him as well, she looked even prettier up close.His face looked up to mine before a smile made his way to his lips. The rest I couldn't remember, but I did remember a sentence that would change my life. It would hurt for a while, and it would hurt others too. It sent me back to the rock bottom I hit when I first lost him."Thelia, nice to see you again. This is my fiance, Piper. Piper this is my old friend, Thelia."Piper. It was a pretty name. I looked her up and down, sending a smile her way. I responded with a gentle greeting, as she did the same. She had red hair that fell to her butt, complementing her long legs, piercing blue eyes, and also a frail white complexion.There were so many things wrong with that sentence. 'Nice to see you again,' was one. I don't think he was happy to see me. If he cared to see me again, he would have contacted me - which me did not. 'Old Friend' which implies I wasn't his friend anymore. Well, I guess I had expected to of course, we didn't talk. We hadn't spoken for six years. Of course I wasn't his friend.We had both changed, the way he dressed, the way he acted, for christ sake - he even talked more formally in front of me. That never happened. I guess I was conspiring our relationship with what he had six years ago. When I was sixteen and he was seventeen. When we were foolish.The last thing? 'Fiance' that was the last thing wrong. I wasn't possessive, just worried. She looked.. just off. I didn't have a reason at the time, I just didn't like her.I held my head high and continued smiling at them. "That's great to hear. It was nice seeing you again," I remembered myself commenting. And with that, I turned on my heel to my car.The thing that bothered me the most, wasn't when I first saw them, or even when he announced she was his fiance. It was what I heard next."Your friend was black?" Piper asked.