September 5, 2014 7:51 PM EDT
I like the premise... the idea of the primal nature of fear is something that I love to read way too much into. The only thing I'd say so far is that perhaps a paragraph or two added near the beginning would be interesting to see some more information about the kids, as you don't get time to really "meet" them before all Curakan breaks loose. Maybe as they're heading to the caves, some back and forth or chatting between them instead of introducing only one or two. A lot of description is used on the forest, caves, and things happening around them, but not on the protagonists of the story themselves. Other than that, I like the premise, the background of the Curakan, and the way it seems to be going. It's one that I'd continue reading to see what happens, which, I think, is what writers shoot for. So in that you've succeeded in beginning an interesting story. :)
